Monster: Original Monster

April 11, 2023

today's lucky winner is the plain Monster flavor. the website calls it "monster energy green," so we've got lots of different names for it. the description on the can reads as such:
"Tear into a can of the meanest energy drink on the planet, Monster Energy. It's the ideal combo of the right ingredients in the right proportion to deliver the big bad buzz that only Monster can. Monster packs a powerful punch but has a smooth easy drinking flavor. Athletes, musicians, anarchists, co-ed’s, road warriors, metal heads, geeks, hipsters, and bikers dig it- you will too."

the flavor profile, as defined on the website, is "Sweet and Salty - It tastes like Monster!"

why in the name of god would I want a drink to be salty. also, bold of you to assume that I don't consider myself an athlete, musician, anarchist, co-ed, road warrior, metal head, geek, hipster, or biker.

there is no can art. the can is plain black with a green logo. simple but not terrible.

I've had this flavor before and I thought it was ass and have avoided it ever since, so let's just get this over with.

  1. exploded on me when I opened it. 0/10
  2. smells fruity. I don't know how to describe it. it's kind of cloyingly sweet. 3/10
  3. it tastes worse than it smells. like a green apple jolly rancher (my least favorite flavor) but 45% more depressed. it's also quite strong compared to some other flavors. 2/10
  4. the aftertaste is slightly more bearable, but that doesn't make it good. 2/10

overall rating: 2/10. i never want to drink this again. I genuinely feel a bit nauseous rn.