MONSTER: Ultra Peachy kEen

May 02, 2022

what's up gamers, I have a goal to try every Monster Energy flavor and I recently was able to pick up some I've never tried before. gives me something to write about, so here we are. I, obviously, am a professional Energy Drink Reviewer with a very refined palate. I fought the battle against artificial fruit flavoring and I won. citric acid quivers before me.

anyways this post is about "Ultra Peachy Keen." the description on the can reads as follows:
"The summer of love was about hope, peace and connecting to something bigger than yourself. A time of carefree fun, limitless possibilities and believing anyone but the man. So don’t take our word for it, check it out for yourself ‘cause it’s all good when you’re sippin’ Ultra Peachy Keen. Zero sugar, juicy peach flavor and the Monster Energy blend from our secret stash. Everyone from boomers to zoomers is down with that."

the flavor profile, as defined on the website, is "Refreshing Peach."

your peach juice will not bring me spiritual enlightenment, though I would be impressed if it did.

I feel this is a good time to mention that I drink these solely for the flavor. caffeine drinks (coffee, tea, pop, energy drinks, etc) don't do anything for my energy. they don't wake me up or knock me out. monster is actually the closest a drink has come to keeping me awake, but that only lasts an hour or two.

on the topic of the can art, the can is a solid peach (unsurprisingly, but it's a nice shade) with white decals. the decals depict various headshots of hippies posing along with flowers, hearts, and peace signs. I like the detail put into the flowers and such, but the people look more than a bit fucked up ngl. specifically, there's a lady right by the description on the can with the deepest eyebags and hollowest fucking cheekbones I have ever seen. it looks like you took 1980s siouxsie sioux and gave her a middle part and a leather headband. I think another energy drink is the last thing you need, my friend.

now I'm actually drinking it so here's my review.

  1. smells like peaches. 10/10
  2. tastes like peaches. 10/10
  3. the peach flavor is quite pleasant, not too strong. 10/10
  4. there's a harsh overtone to the peach flavor reminiscent of the original monster, which I don't like. it's not incredibly noticeable, though. 2/10
  5. the aftertaste is just peaches. I'd imagine it's a bit sweet for some people, but I like it. 10/10

overall rating: 8/10. I could see this becoming one of my go-to flavors. though the first and only time I saw it, I was a 7 hour drive away on the other side of the state, so....

thank you for joining me on this exciting and intriguing journey. the next flavor I write about is gonna be "khaotic."